“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. And the two will become one flesh” Matthew 19:5.
“Man shall leave his father and mother an cleave to his wife!” My husband and I just celebrated the 4th anniversary of our engagement. I still think about that day-like it happened yesterday. The date he planned, the clothes he wore, the words he said, all of it made me feel treasured. For most people, it’s a no-brainer that the man proposes to the woman. It’s a tradition as old as time, going to a girl’s father to ask for permission before bending a knee. But why?
The proposal date shows the man wants to fulfill every desire of his wife.
9 times out of 10, a girl will describe her engagement date as “perfect.” Even the worst planner in the world plans for the perfect proposal when he truly cares. Men think through their words leading up to “will you marry me?” They fuss over their outfits for the first time in their lives. Men often communicate with friends to coordinate a surprise party following the proposal. And of course, they often spend weeks or months selecting the perfect ring!
Everything about a proposal is for one purpose: to fulfill every desire of his future wife. The man proposing to the woman is a beautiful opportunity for him to step forward and say, “I’ve got you. And I know you. I want to make you happier than ever before.”
Bending a knee and presenting a ring shows both submission and leadership.
When historically do men kneel? They kneel before their God and their King. Kneeling is a sign of submission before someone they value and serve. When a man bends his knee in a proposal he is saying, “I will serve you.” Presenting a woman with a ring at the same time is a sign of leadership. The ring is a symbol that he can provide not just for her needs, but her wants. It is a financial and emotional investment made before the commitment of marriage is even agreed upon. The format of a proposal shows the man as both servant and leader.
As Christ was nailed to the cross for His bride, so a man humbles himself on his knee. This act of submission is not abusive or beneath him. It is a sacrifice and a sign of Christ’s love for the Church. He presents himself with a ring, a gift and a treasure for the woman he desires to serve.
A husband accepts the responsibility previously filled by the father.
I remember being so nervous for Joshua to ask my father if he could marry me. Though I didn’t “strictly” know when it happened, I knew a proposal was coming and that would be included. I knew my father had provided for me my whole life. He would only want me to marry a man he trusted could do the same.
A man traditionally asks for a father’s blessing because he is accepting the responsibility previously filled by him. Asking for her dad’s permission is a sign a future husband does not want to cut a girl off from her dad. He’s trying to respectfully leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. A man asks for blessing because marriage does not destroy the relationship of father and daughter. It strengthens the family by creating a new one.
Christ sacrificed for the Church, and a man sacrifices for his wife.
Jesus endured torture and crucifixion for His bride. He provides for Her every need, not allowing the gates of Hell to prevail against the Church. The tradition of a man proposing to a woman is a small fraction of that sacrifice. It denotes the desire of a man to give himself to his wife. He leaves his father and mother to cleave to her.
