In Heaven and Hell, meals are banquets where the only way to eat is with three-foot forks.
Imagine a three-foot fork? There’s a story about Heaven and Hell my mom told me a long time ago. In each place, meals are served as banquets. But the only way to eat is with three-foot forks. In Hell, people slowly starve. They cannot feed themselves, no matter how hard they try. In Heaven, everyone is healthy and happy. The three-foot forks don’t bother them. They feed everything to each other.
Marriage is a whole world of three-foot forks.
In this story, people in Heaven love one another and thrive in their difficult circumstances. Whereas in Hell, everyone tries to fend for himself, even to the point of starvation. Marriage is the same way. Each spouse holds the power to nourish the other. If we try to fill ourselves without accepting help from the other or giving it to them, we both starve.
My husband and I recently remembered how hard it was to transition to marriage. Although we had dated nearly three years and been engaged for nine months. It’s not like we had no idea what a commitment from the other would look like. We were well integrated into each other’s lives. But suddenly, everything changed.
What Changed?
We each needed something different from the other we hadn’t required when dating. Whether it was more time, more communication, more help with household tasks, things changed. On so many levels, it was like stepping into a new relationship than the one we’d had for three years.
Our forks grew. We couldn’t be nourished the way we used to be. When two people marry, their needs change.
Too many divorces happen because one or both people decide they “just don’t want to be married anymore.” People decide they’re not happy anymore. They no longer have the relationship they expected. But life is full of unexpected twists—why should marriage be any different?
If we cannot learn how to shed our selfishness and nourish our spouse, we will watch them starve to death. Likewise, our spouse will starve us if they can’t learn to feed us in marriage. Worst of all, spouses can be locked in a terrible cycle of trying to feed themselves instead of caring for the other. Then they both starve, without anyone retaining a shred of strength to save the other.
Marriage is a world of three-foot forks. Are you thriving? Or are you starving?
