No one talks about the suffering you could endure during marriage.
It’s not really a highlight when you are newly engaged. You already know that line in your consent—“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” You truly believe that these situations are far-fetched or “that would never happen to us” situations, right? But, of course, you say these words and know that you will be with your spouse no matter what. This was my thought. “I will always be with you through thick or thin, even IF it happens.” People always want to shove the possibilities of suffering under the rug, especially as newlyweds.
In our situation, we exchanged this consent twice! Jordann and I had married civilly in 2017 and after my husband converted to Catholicism in 2019, we convalidated in 2020. Little did we know that we would be enduring A LOT of suffering in our marriage right off the bat. God blessed us with four beautiful children within the first four years of marriage. Three of our children had their own stay at the NICU with emergency C-sections and complications afterward. My husband and I needed to take up our own cross daily during these times.
Always Unplanned
Jordann experienced suffering of his own after the birth of our fourth baby in 2021. He blacked out and hit the back of his head on our metal front door. For the week afterward, he was paralyzed from the neck down. Miraculously, he did not have a spinal cord injury or any broken bones! God was watching over him during this accident and every day after. My husband is now walking and resuming daily activities, but as a family we are still suffering from this accident.
Jordann has had three other situations where his body has shut down. He will not be able to move because the signals from his brain are not going where they need to go in his body. As a couple, we have prayed many times for healing from this trauma. This suffering we have endured has brought us closer to each other and closer to God.
Suffering with Jesus
Jesus experienced the ultimate suffering and pleaded to God in Luke 22:42, saying: “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.”
As people, I think that we usually just want our suffering to be removed. It’s inconvenient, and we just get tired of the constant battle. But I love how even Jesus says, “not my will, but yours be done.” Because He knows that He must take a greater path. And so must we.
We should be grasping this suffering with both hands and taking it to Jesus every day. We should be asking Him, “What do I need to learn from this suffering today?” I have noticed the suffering that my husband and I endure can be the same from day to day, but we still must ask Jesus that question. Because each day Jesus teaches us something different. Maybe it is to be more patient with the kids during this time of despair. Perhaps it is to put the phone down and be more present with the people around us or each other. Or maybe it is to just have faith that He is with us and hears our cries.
Meaning Through Marriage
So often we find ourselves being selfish and greedy, or trying to put on a face like we have it all together when honestly, we are all suffering in our own ways every day. But God has a greater plan for all of us. These opportunities of suffering are to learn how to trust God, grow as a person and couple, and to become more selfless.
Being married is a big way to learn how to be selfless. You are now connected to your spouse and must think about both of you, not just yourself. And when you bring children into the world, your level of selflessness is going to skyrocket! That beautiful newborn baby is going to need both of you constantly. This is a great reminder of how to truly think of your spouse and child first and put their needs before your own.
We have been showing our children how to be more selfless to each other. Now, they are only four and under, but we can still show them to be kind and help their siblings at every opportunity they get. Even if it is just helping clean up the spilled milk on the table or bringing a blanket to the baby when she needs it. These small tasks will help them (and us) later in life to listen to God when He calls them to help the poor, feed the homeless, or to clothe the children. Because it is His will that needs to be done, not our own.
