“My only regret…is that I didn’t marry her sooner.”

My dad has said this about my mom for as long as I can remember. They met in college and were married within three years. He has always had a philosophy that you can know if you want to marry someone after three dates, don’t wait. You shouldn’t waste time once you find the person your soul loves.

I always saw my parents as a beautiful example of love and marriage. I never doubted for a second that they were “in love” with each other. But I couldn’t quite trust this three-date idea. It sounded ridiculous that you could live so much of your life without even knowing someone existed, and then after three dates decide to spend the rest of your life together.

Then I met Joshua.

Multiple “Good” Choices

With every year of adulthood, and especially each year of marriage, I learn more and more that we do not have a “one.” There is no one person we can marry. There is no one path we must take or one vocation we must pursue. God gives us an incredible freedom to choose our lives. He has plans to prosper us, not to harm, to give us hope and a future. But part of that plan is our free will. He did not make one life for us to desperately figure out and follow perfectly, aside from the life of following His commandments. We do not have to go through the strain of “what’s the one, perfect choice?” God can and does meet us where we are.

Over the years, especially in college, I met several men I could have been happy marrying. Several men who were, like my husband, hard-working and virtuous men of God who wanted lots of kids and a traditional marriage. If I never had the blessing of meeting Joshua, there were other men I could have been happy with.

Freedom of Choice

I find it freeing to be able to recognize that I wasn’t limited to this one man. Do I think he’s the #1 best choice of a husband? Of course! Do I think he’s the best guy ever and I could never be as happy with anyone as I am with him? Absolutely! But I also understand that my life would not have been miserable without him. That’s the gift God gives us: we get to choose. There is a “best” plan, but that doesn’t make it the only good plan.

We don’t need to be crippled with indecision or worry or anxiety. We can allow ourselves to choose the option in front of us. Maybe there’s a guy living in England right now who’s Joshua 2.0 and would somehow make me twice as happy as my husband. If there is, I honestly do not want to meet him. I found my husband and I don’t even want to know if there’s a “happier” life out there for me (though especially since having our baby boy I seriously doubt it).

So, all of that in mind…

Why wait to marry someone you know you love and want to be with?

The world seems to have this idea that we need to date for five years, maybe even move in together, and establish our careers and finances before we get married. Society encourages us to wait. Why? Why should we spend more time not being with the person we know we love and want when we’ve already found them? There’s certainly something to be said about taking the time to get to know each other, to understand each other’s habits and even faults. To learn how to communicate. To see each other’s love languages. All of that is critical in a marriage.

But the three-date rule still applies. You should know—anyone should know—by the end of three dates if you (1) align with the other person’s values on faith, religion, children, family, politics; (2) are interested enough in the person to keep spending time with them and grow a life together; and (3) enjoy being with them. If you get bored talking to someone, if you don’t think they would make a reliable spouse, or you can’t support their values, why would you keep dating?

If you’re like me and you’ve been told “you’re too young to get married” or “wow, that was really fast to get engaged,” ignore it. You’re probably not too young and I doubt your relationship was too fast. Marriage is a very serious life-long commitment, but God did not mean for our lives to be filled with crippling choices. He made us for companionship and unity. He made us to be together.

Why wait?