In marriage, there’s no such thing as 50/50. Give 100 percent, every day.

When I was a kid, my parish would give birthday and anniversary blessings every week to members of the congregation. The priest would deliver the announcements before Mass started, and then invite anyone with a birthday or an anniversary that week up to the front of the church to receive a blessing.

The priest would ask the couples to share how long they’d been married. One Sunday, a couple came forward who had been married around 80 years. The priest congratulated them on their long lives together and asked how they managed it.

The couple responded, “50/50!”

At the time, their answer seemed perfectly logical. You split the responsibilities and burdens of married life evenly. How could that not work?

When my family got home from Mass and were enjoying our Sunday morning brunch, my dad suddenly spoke up about what we heard that morning. His words have stuck with me ever since:

“I understand the idea of going 50/50 in a marriage. But it’s not like that. It’s 100/100.”

100/100. That’s a lot of effort, a lot of the time.

I never understood this advice better until I was pregnant. All too often, my 100 percent effort wasn’t even close to a normal 50 percent effort. And all too often, Joshua’s 100 percent far exceeded a normal 100 percent.

Sometimes I was feeling so nauseous that every time I moved off the couch I nearly vomited. Sometimes I actually did. Joshua would make me breakfast, go to work, make dinner, do the dishes, and give me a back massage until I fell asleep. On days like those, my 100 percent was being sweet and patient through my pain and nausea. His 100 percent was doing literally everything.

Now, we have the sweetest little baby who loves to be cuddled, can rarely stand to be put down for longer than ten minutes, and eats straight from my body. I’m a stay-at-home mom; Joshua is still working. Responsibility for childcare, housework, and financial income cannot possibly be 50/50.

Every once in a while, a friend will ask me how Joshua and I handle household chores. It’s usually prompted by an argument with a roommate over whose turn it is to take out the trash or who should be washing the dishes. I want to tell them that marriage isn’t like being roommates. Marriage is a lifelong commitment of love and respect. Spouses don’t just tolerate living together for a year or two and try not to drive each other insane with their bad habits. We give each other everything we’ve got, all the time, for the rest of our lives.

And everything can change. Our 100 percent today isn’t always equal to our 100 percent yesterday. It can’t be. Not in every season of our lives forever. But we can give what we have when we have it and trust our spouse to be there for us every step of the way.

So, here it is. After 35 years and nine children, my dad’s advice for a happy marriage couldn’t be more true:

100/100.