Married Dreaming

by | Oct 24, 2021 | Family Life, Marriage, Society

“A dream is a wish your heart makes, when your fast asleep…” What are your dreams?  When I was little girl, I was a BIG dreamer.  I remember wanting to be a teacher, just like my favorite teacher ever.  I was going to be as fun as she was, and I was going to love kids as much as she does!  I wanted desperately to be a mom and I was going to have a lot of kiddos to take care of.  I was going to love them as fiercely as my mom loved me.  I also wanted to be an astronaut!!!  I loved space and I loved learning about the planets…I was going to travel to space and touch the moon, just like Mr. Armstrong!

As I got a little older, I still dreamt!  I couldn’t wait for my wedding day, and I would sit for hours dreaming about how perfect the day would be.  I still wanted to be a mom, and maybe be a teacher, but the challenger exploding when I was a third grader shifted my dreams a bit on being an astronaut.  Now I wanted to be a storm chaser.  Thunderstorms and tornados intrigued me!  It always amazed me that the calmest part of the day came right before the greatest destruction and chaos occurred.

Now I am much older, but I still have not stopped dreaming!  My dreams may look a little different, but they are still dreams.  My dream came true, and my wedding day was wonderful.  I also fulfilled the dream of becoming a mom, not once, but five times!  Now that I was a wife and a mom my dreams become a bit more practical.  In my own little way, I am still a storm chaser, only my tornados and hurricanes are little people God gifted me with that I chase around my house.  I never imagined being a storm chaser could be so exhausting!  ?

As a married adult I get the great pleasure of allowing my dreams to coincide with my husbands dreams…or at least that is the hope!  It would now be hard for me to still dream about being an astronaut or a “real” storm chaser when I must think first of my husband and my kiddos.

I’ve been married for 16 years now, which I realize is a small drop in the bucket, but I do think I have some great thoughts to share on the topic of dreaming together.  One of the things that Dan and I had to quickly learn is that we must both communicate our dreams to each other.  It doesn’t do either of us any good to dream if we keep those dreams to ourselves.  I am a much more elaborate dreamer than Dan, but Dan also has dreams…important dreams!  We must always ask ourselves, “Do our dreams line up?”

For instance, if I had a dream of taking our family on elaborate vacations every year and he had a dream of saving money for security and our children’s college education, we’d probably have some tension going on in our marriage.  I want to spend money and he wants to save!  These dreams do not necessarily line up together very well.  If we didn’t communicate these dreams with each other, we would end up working against one another.  We would in turn case each other great stress, pain, and a whole lot of frustration.  This would be a recipe for disaster!

From the moment Dan and I got engaged we started sharing our dreams with one another.  Almost every date we go on we share our dreams with each other to see if we are in alignment.  Our dreams do not always line up, but in those moments, we give some and we take some and we find a way to make his and my dreams, “our dreams!”  There are times that we must let go of our dreams altogether and find a new dream that works for us and our family.  If I were to get my way all the time, we’d have 30 kids and 100 dogs…instead, we have 5 kids and 2 dogs…a very happy compromise!

Dreaming is fun!  Dreaming is important!  However, when we start to dream we MUST communicate our dreams to whomever we share our lives with!  (Yes, sometimes our kids get a say, but never the dogs!) As important as it is to communicate with one another, more importantly is taking these dreams to God!  We need to ask God if our dream lines up with His plan for our lives.  If you do not feel a peach when you bring those dreams to God, then my guess is that God is asking you to look at that dream and revamp that dream a little bit.  For instance, if I took my once dream of being a storm chaser to God at this point in my life, I am quite convinced He’d gently inform me that I already have five tornados that I chase and that is quite enough for this point of my life.  I don’t have to necessarily give up on that dream, but I need to realize that right now in my life, storm chasing is not where God is calling me to serve Him!

As we all know, marriage takes three and when your married, dreaming will always take three too!  So if your heart has made a wish, bring it to your spouse and God and see if that dream, really can come true!

Keep dreaming friends!!!

Tara Brooke

Tara Brooke is a wife, mother, educator, and child of God.  Tara has worked in various aspects of ministry in the Catholic Church for over 20 years, her last years as a Director of Marriage and Family Life for her local diocese.  She now stays home and tends to the needs of her growing and beautiful family.  She has three biological children and two adopted children, both with Down Syndrome. She loves helping engaged couples grow in their understanding of the Sacrament of Marriage as well as helping enrich already married couples in growing in holiness together.  She resides in Bismarck, ND with her amazing husband, Deacon Dan! 

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