Lose Yourself in Motherhood

by | Feb 15, 2024 | Family Life, Marriage Prep, Parenting, Society, Spirituality

I have seen a lot of posts on social media about women losing themselves when they become mothers. I recommend two things. (1) Get off social media. (2) Do it. Lose yourself in motherhood.

In the last year, I’ve made a few new friends. We switched parishes when we moved and found a community of young and older families to surround ourselves with. Several of my friends are pregnant and a few are trying to conceive. I’ve been asked the question many times: did I change when I became a mother?

To be honest, I didn’t think I had. I still enjoy the same things. My personality is still the same. I can’t run as fast or as long as I used to, but that’s really okay with me. After birthing two children, sure my body isn’t quite the same as when I was 18. None of that seems like losing myself in motherhood.

I was visiting with one of my new friends shortly before my daughter was born. We starting talking about the book “The Temperament God Gave You” and she guessed I was Sanguine. (You can find our more about that book here:  https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-temperament-god-gave-you/

If you’re not familiar with the four temperaments, they are four ways we are all drawn to handling conflict and life. Sanguines are generally easy-going and playful, enjoy change, and bounce back easily from hardship. Phlegmatic individuals are thoughtful and studious, thriving on routine. Melancholics are deeply emotional and lead rich inner lives. Choleric individuals tend to be aggressive, organized, and thrive as leaders.

I did lose myself in motherhood. I lost the worst parts.

My dominant temperament is choleric, followed closely by phlegmatic. I am controlling and desire routine. If I had an office job, I’d love being a receptionist or HR director. I enjoy solving problems and crunching through to-do lists. Chasing children and struggling through unpredictable days is extremely counter to my natural temperament.

But I lose that part of myself in motherhood. I lost the part of me that needed to routine, that needed constant organization, that couldn’t handle the unknown. The part of me that needed to control above all else faded away in motherhood. Anyone who knew me B.C. (before children) would describe me as firey, short-tempered, exasperating. Since that conversation, more of my newer friends have told me they find me peaceful, adaptive, easy-going. These are not words I thought I’d ever be described with.

If you’re considering motherhood, pregnant and awaiting the challenge, or struggling to adapt, it’s okay. Don’t listen to the lies on social media. Bitter, broken women will tell you it’s awful. That you’ll never sleep again (it feels like that sometimes). They’ll demonize their husbands instead of asking them to step up. Women will claim they’re victims of the precious souls who depend on us for everything. Motherhood is hard. It has its harder days. Children are not by any means easy to care for. But if you’re worried about losing yourself, do it. Lose the worst parts of yourself, the worst sins, the worst doubts.

Lose yourself and become fulfilled in motherhood. 


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Michelle C. Martin

Michelle graduated from Texas Tech University with her husband, Joshua, in May 2021 and married him in June on the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. She has a degree in Communication Studies and has loved growing in knowledge of healthy and authentic relationships during her time in college and adulthood. Michelle and Joshua currently reside in Lubbock, TX where he works as an architect and she loves life as a stay-at-home wife and mother to their children, Peter and Cecilia.

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