Two years ago, exactly today, God called me to make one of the most drastic decisions I had ever made in my life. One would think marriage or having children would top that list, but for me, those decisions seemed so natural, so perfect, so…welcomed! When God called me to resign from my job, which, mind you, I loved, to stay home with my family, I blindly obeyed…but, I may have drug my feet just a little bit. It wasn’t natural! I loved working in ministry, and it was what I knew. It didn’t seem perfect…wouldn’t I get bored staying home all day? It certainly was not welcomed! Why do I need to leave something I loved, wasn’t my family doing well? I was filled with anxiety and confusion as to why God was calling this of me, but I was obedient.
At this time our family thought that we were going to be completing our adoption from China within 2-3 months from my resignation date, so I knew I’d be busy acclimating him to our family and taking care of his health needs. I knew I didn’t want to worry about work when this happened, so I was content to figure out life for the two months before he arrived. Then…COVID hit, and China closed its borders. What was 2-3 months has turned into 23 months and counting! I still do not have my fifth child in my arms.
I would be lying if I said that I haven’t asked God in prayer why he brough me home so early from my job if he knew (we know God is all-knowing) I would still not have my boy. However, as I ponder two years later there has been so many moments of grace that came with God’s call and my obedience in following it.
It has literally taken two years for our “inn” to be as ready as it can be for our new son/brother to arrive. Our family has always been close and connected and I would have said two years ago that we were fully ready for this, but hindsight has allowed me to see just how far we were from having room in our inn! Our life was much more chaotic when I worked 40, sometimes 60 hours a week. I worked in Family Ministry, and I am now able to see that my family often took the backseat to my efforts in helping other families find what I so desperately desired in my home…Peace!
Though I have never “missed” family events because of my job, I was often tired, worn out, and certainly not the wife or mom that I knew my husband and children needed…and deserved. My husband and children needed my full attention…not a mom distracted by her work, which I was. (I do not want to discredit working moms…I admire you all! I was just not a great working mom/wife! I wasn’t good at it.) My job wasn’t just a job to me, but instead it gave me value and purpose. I longed to be a mom/wife who found her purpose in simply being a child of God! It has taken me two years to get there-to be at a place where I am so very comfortable in my own skin and I do find my purpose in whose I am, not who I am!
Throughout the last two years I know my entire family has grown in so very many ways, but primarily, we have grown in the peacefulness of being FAMILY! Two years ago, I can honestly say that there was no room in the inn, but today there is so much room…so much room for joy and love! Though I swore we were ready two years ago, we are so much more ready now and our family’s mission is Edwin! We long to bring him home into a “inn” that is ready and waiting. Jesus, we trust in you and your timing and until we bring him home we will keep perfecting our current “inn!”
My prayer for you this last week of Christmas is to prepare your inn not only for your family but for the coming of Christ in your family’s life!